Today was one of the hardest days and I still don't know why. I had to leave work early because I felt as if I were going to have a breakdown.
Ever since I talked to my sister, I have had this feeling of something from my past was going knock me for a loop. I still feel it. And I am not sure what or why. All we talked about is that we both miss our grandfather. He was my father figure and the one I cold talk to about my issue. I still remember our talks at the kitchen table. Some our talks involved our thoughts about my father. I never told him how I feel. Opapa how do I wish you were here now. Rest in peace.
The other thing we discussed was about my transition. She thinks that I am doing this so I can be with a guy. I don't know how to take that. I am doing this because I am a women even though my body has the wrong parts. I am just being who I am. I am happy that she is accepting me but wish she could understand more.
It seems to me that thing that are in the shadows have a affect of derailing things.
I still don't know what is haunting me.
Still no decision on how I am going to do with my little one. But I am getting there.
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