In the Shadows

Today was one of the hardest days and I still don't know why.  I had to leave work early because I felt as if I were going to have a breakdown.

Ever since I talked to my sister, I have had this feeling of something from my past was going knock me for a loop.  I still feel it.  And I am not sure what or why.  All we talked about is that we both miss our grandfather.  He was my father figure and the one I cold talk to about my issue. I still remember our talks at the kitchen table.  Some our talks involved our thoughts about my father.  I never told him how I feel.  Opapa how do I wish you were here now.  Rest in peace.

The other thing we discussed was about my transition.  She thinks that I am doing this so I can be with a guy.  I don't know how to take that.  I am doing this because I am a women even though my body has the wrong parts.  I am just being who I am.  I am happy that she is accepting me but wish she could understand more.

It seems to me that thing that are in the shadows have a affect of derailing things.

I still don't know what is haunting me.

Still no decision on how I am going to do with my little one. But I am getting there.